Oversharing Everything About My Life Being Super Secretive For No
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Honesty Vs Oversharing Being Real Doesn Have To Mean Showing Every
You know how it goes: you meet a stranger at a party, and 10 seconds after the conversation starts, she's deep into averypersonal andverydetailed story about how she just caught her boyfriend cheating on her or the stressor at work that's causing her to go to therapy. It doesn't seem to matter to her that you just met — she’s more than happy to reveal the most intimate details of her life. It's a classic case of oversharing, but why do some people overshare so much more than others — and not have any clue that it might be making everyone else uncomfortable?
“When people overshare, they are often desiring very much to connect with someone,” Carolyn Cole, licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Mic. Dr. Gary Brown, a relationship therapist in Los Angeles, echoes this, explaining to Mic that “anxiety can be a big driver among people who tell-all, as well as feeling lonely and needing to connect with others."
Often, oversharing is an unconscious act — "many times," says Cole, people "don’t realize it until after the fact” that they've just spilled major details about their personal lives. Yet sometimes, oversharers become aware of their behavior midway through the conversation, and suddenly find themselves feeling vulnerable for revealing too much info — or, in some cases, they are aware the entire time that they're oversharing, but don’t see it as problematic.
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“An oversharer may also not have a good ‘internal censor,’” Dr. Brown explains. “In these cases, they may not have an ability to ‘read’ their audience; typically, they do not have a good sense of boundaries.”
If someone comes from a family of “talkers” where oversharing is the norm, they may echo this behavior in their day-to-day life, Dr. Brown adds. “Or," he continues, "a person may do it out of feeling generally inadequate or if they’re a narcissist — they need to share everything that comes to mind to make sure they’re heard.”
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